W. N. P. Barbellion’s diary, 1912

Am at last beginning to get more content with the work at the Museum, so that I muse on Bernard Shaw's saying, "Get what you like or you'll grow to like what you…

I should be disappointed if at the end of my career (if I live to see it through) I do not win the F.R.S. I should very much like it.... My nature is very…

Down with influenza. A boarding-house with the 'flue!

Went home to recuperate, a beef jelly in one pocket and sal volatile in the other. On arrival, my blanched appearance frightened Mother and the others, so went to…

Weak enough to sit down before dressing-table while I shave and brush my hair. Dyspepsia appalling. The Doctor in Kensington seemed to think me an awful wreck and…

Bathing Sat on a seat overlooking the sand-hills with stick between my legs like an old man, and watched a buxom wench aet. 25 run down the path pursued by "Rough"…

Two Young Men Talking With H---- in his garden. He is a great enthusiast. "I disapprove entirely of your taste in gardening," I said. "You object to the 'ragged…

By the Sea Sat upon a comfortable jetty of rock and watched the waves without a glimmer of an idea in my mind about anything--though to outward view I might have…

Have returned to London and the B.M. My first day at the M. Sat at my table in a state of awful apathy. At least temporarily, I am quite disenchanted of Zoology. I…

It caused me anguish to see my article returned from the Fortnightly and lying in a big envelope on the table when I returned home this evening. I can't do any work…

To-day I am easier. The cut worm forgives the plough. But how restless this disappointment has made me.... I have no plans for recuperation and cannot settle down…

On my doctor's advice, went to see Dr. P----, a lung specialist. M----found a dull spot on one of my lungs, and, not feeling very sure, and without telling me the…

A young but fat woman sitting in the sun and oozing moisture is as nasty as anything in Baudelaire.

A "Brilliant Career" My old head master once prophesied for me "a brilliant career." That was when I was in the Third Form. Now I have more than a suspicion that I…

... After tea, we all three walked in Kensington Gardens and sat on a seat by the Round Pond. My umbrella fell to the ground, and I left it there with its nose…

At C----, a tiny little village by the sea in N----. Looking up from a rockpool, where I had been watching Gobies, I saw three children racing across the sands to…

Out in the Bay dredging for Echinoderms with "Carrots." Brilliantly fine. The haul was a failure, but, being out in a boat on a waveless sea under a cloudless sky,…

Early Boughies Up the village, Mrs. Beavan keeps a tiny little shop and runs a very large garden. She showed us all about the garden, and introduced us to her…

Back in town again. Wandered about in a somnambulistic way all the afternoon till I found myself taking tea in Kew Gardens. I enjoyed the wind in my face and hair.…

Came across the following arresting sentence: "Pale, anæmic, cadaverous, bad teeth and disordered digestion and a morbid egotism." Yes, but my teeth are not bad.

On the N. Downs Under the oak where I sat the ground was covered with dead leaves. I kicked them, and I beat them with my stick, because I was angry that they were…

Over to see E----. Came away disillusioned.

Met her in Smith's book shop looking quite bewitching. Hang it all, I thought I had finished. Went home with her, watched her make a pudding in the kitchen, then we…

Quarrelled with D----! The atmosphere is changed at the flat--my character is ruined. D---- has told them I'm a loose fellow. I've always contrived to give him that…

D---- came and carried me off to the flat, where they asked why I hadn't been over--which, of course, pleased me immensely.

Doctor M---- is very gloomy about my health and talks of S. Africa, Labrador, and so on. I'm not responding to his treatment as I should.

Met her this evening in Kensington Road. "I timed this well," said she, "I thought I should meet you." Good Heavens, I am getting embroiled. Returned to the flat…

On M----'s advice went to see a stomach specialist--Dr. Hawkins. As I got there a little too early walked up the street--Portland Place--on the opposite side (from…

Arthur came down for the week end. He likes the Lady of Shalott. She is "not handsome, but arresting, striking" and "capable of tragedy." That I believe she has…

He: "Have a cigarette? I enjoy lighting your cigarettes." She: "I don't know how to smoke properly." He: "You smoke only as you could." She: "How's that?" H.:…

It's a fearful strain to go on endeavouring to live up to time with a carefully laid-out time-table of future achievements. I am hurrying on with my study of…

A very bad heart attack. As I write it intermits every three or four beats. Who knows if I shall live thro' to-night?

Here I am once more. A passable night. After breakfast the intermittency recommenced--it is better now, with a dropped beat only about once per half-hour, so that I…

Sollas's "Ancient Hunters" Read Sollas's book Ancient Hunters--very thrilling--mind full of the Aurignacians, Mousterians, Magdalenians! I have been peering down…

"It is a pleasure to note the success attending the career of Mr. W.N.P. Barbellion now engaged in scientific work on the staff of the Natural History Museum ..."…