17 July 1916 – 23 July 1916

Omniscience An omniscient Caledonian asked me to-day: "Where are the Celebes? Are they E. or N.E. of the Sandwich Group?" I marked him down at once as my legitimate prey. Sitting back in my chair, I replied slowly in my most offensive manner: "The Island of Celebes is of enormous size and curious shape situated in the Malay Archipelago." The Caledonian made no sign. Instead of grinning at his error and confessing to a "floater," he endeavoured to carry on by remarking, "That of course would be N. of Papua," just for all the world as if his error was a minor one of latitude and longitude. Ignoring his comment, I continued: "From the Zoogeographical point of view, Celebes is unequalled in importance, having the strangest fauna almost of any island on the face of the globe. Then there's 'Wallace's Line,'" I said, being purposely obscure. The Caledonian said nought but "looked hurt." It was so obvious that he didn't know, and it was so obvious that I knew that he didn't know, that after my farcical truculence I expected the tension to dissolve in laughter. Yet it is hard for a Caledonian to say "God be merciful to me, ignorant devil that I am." So I pursued him with more information about "Wallace's Line," with an insouciant air, as much as to say, "Wallace's Line of course you heard discussed before you were breached." "Some do say, you know, that the Line is 'all my eye and Betty Martin,' e.g., R----." This gave him his first opportunity of finding his feet in this perilously deep water. So he said promptly, eager to seem knowledgeable with an intelligent rejoinder: "As! yes, R---- is an authority on Fishes." I assented. "At the last meeting of the British Ass. he tore the idea to shreds." The drowning Caledonian seized at any straw: "Fishes, however, are not of paramount importance in cases of geographical distribution, are they?" I knew he was thinking of marine fishes, but I did not illumine him, and merely said: "Oh! yes, of very great importance," at which he looked still more "hurt," decamped in silence and left me conqueror of the field but without the spoils of victory: it was impossible to bring him to say "I do not know"--four mono-syllables was all I wanted from the man who for months past has been lecturing me on all things from Music and the Drama to Philosophy, Painting and--Insects.

The cradle came a few days ago but I had not seen it until this morning when I unlocked the cupboard door, looked in and shuddered. "That's the skeleton in our cupboard," I said on coming down to breakfast. She laughed, but I really meant it. E---- keeps a blue bowl replenished with flaming Poppies in our room. The cottage is plagued with Ear-wigs which fly in at night and get among the clothes and bedlinen. This morning, dressing, she held up her chemise to the light saying: "I always do this--you can see their little heathen bodies then against the light...." Isn't she charming?