Marie Bashkirtseff’s diary, 1875

We went to N——'s. The good woman vexed and made me laugh at the same time. "The first thing to be done in Rome," said Mamma, "is to get teachers of singing and…

I was going to talk with my aunt, but why appeal to human beings? What can men do? God alone can help! God does not hear me! Just God! Holy Virgin! Jesus! I am not…

I forgot to tell my yesterday's dream. I saw some mice, against which I threw cats that choked them. Then these mice became serpents and went into their holes,…

I boasted of my conduct yesterday; there was no reason for it; if I appeared indifferent it was because I was indifferent. These people don't know how to talk; the…

All day long the day of the opera I was restless. At half past eight o'clock we set off. I was dressed in a white muslin gown, a plain skirt with a wide ruche…

I left Nice to-day with my aunt, I was ready to cry every instant. "Do you want a pillow?" she asked. "No." "Are you ill?" "No." "But you look so pale." "I am…

Many things have changed since Monday. I don't wish to die, no matter where and no matter how, and I have since been ashamed of myself. I meant to trifle with the…

Tired enough, finery will use me up, me and my money. But that is why I came to Paris, and we must do things conscientiously. I need not say that I am not having…

I have spent a day between L—— and W——. It is full of interest, for dress forms an art, a talent, a science! Finery to this degree of perfection is a treat. Oh,…

For three hours everything in the house has been in a state of revolution, but all the flames were extinguished in a business interview with D——. With pride and…

I want to return to Nice, the longer I stay here, the longer my departure for Rome is delayed. I spend my time in complaining; my aunt says I am crazy. I laugh, and…

We went to my beautifiers, and also to B——'s. To-morrow we shall decide upon the carriages. Then I went to see B——, with whom I always keep up a correspondence. I…

I slept for twelve hours and, while trying on at L——'s I felt ill. True, they kept me two hours with those wretched gowns. We ordered from B—— a landau with eight…

I am in Nice. From Paris to Lyon, we were in the midst of snow, but it is strange that I am not so delighted as I was before on reaching my villa. At Toulon we met…

We went out at three o'clock. I who came to Nice in search of fine weather encountered Parisian cold. I wore an otter skin hat, made in the style of a baby hood,…

I have told Mamma that I was going to study singing, and I shall do it, if it is God's pleasure to preserve my voice; it is the only way of gaining the fame for…

The weather is magnificent. A tremendous crowd when we go out. We move at a walk, between hedges formed of the young men of Nice. They all take off their hats, and…

To-morrow there is to be a concert at the Cercle de la Méditerranée for the benefit of the free École des beaux-arts. I went to the club to get tickets. Entering…

I am sorrowful and discouraged. My departure is an exile to me. I want to stay in Nice, and it is impossible. We always insist upon the impossible. The simplest…

B—— has been to our house. By a few words in the conversation he awoke in me so much love for Nice, so much regret at leaving, that I became unhappy and went to my…

Find me a language which expresses thought with so much enthusiasm. So I use it to define my condition. It is heavenly weather, everybody is out of doors, in spite…

We went to hear the band. G. M—— came to talk to us and, among other compliments, said to me: "M——, I would like to give you some of my experience, I love you so…

I don't want public pity, but I should like to have one creature to understand me, compassionate me, weep with me sincerely, knowing why she was weeping, seeing…

We went to see Mme. du M——. She gave me seven letters of introduction for Rome. May God grant that they will be of the service this excellent woman desires, she…