5–11 May 1856

Dinner for Turgenev at which, foolishly offended by a verse of Nekrasov’s, I said unpleasant things to everybody. Turgenev left. I am sad, especially as I am writing nothing.

Learnt yesterday that my resignation will not be accepted for a long time yet. Dinner at Bludov’s. Dull. Went to the Islands with Shevich. Pleasant. Spent the evening at Obolenski’s with Aksakov, Kir^evski, and other Slavophils. It is evident they are looking for an enemy who does not exist. Their outlook is too narrow and too far from reaching the quick to meet any resistance. There is no need for it. Their aim, like every union of peoplejs mental activity by means of discussions and polemics, has changed considerably, broadened, and taken for its foundations serious truths such as family life, the Commune, and Orthodoxy. But they degrade them by the bitterness with which they express their views, as though expecting contradiction. Greater calmness and Wiirde (self-respect) would be more profit- able, especially concerning Orthodoxy : first because — accepting the validity of their opinion as to the importance of all classes sharing the life of the people — one cannot, from a higher standpoint, but admit the monstrosities of its expression and its historical insolvency, and secondly, because the censorship closes their opponents’ mouths. The day before yesterday I went torsee Nicholas Milfitin. He promised to take me to Levshin’s.

Am writing after one A.M. Having got up at about noon, after a nasty night, I wanted to work. Michael Islavin (he is difficult because of his shyness), young Kovaldvski, and Pefker, came to ask me to dine at Kokorev’s on Saturday, and afterwards Volkdnski also came. I chattered with them about my project instead of turning them out or not receiving them, and working. Then I walked aimlessly down the Ndvski. Dined with Meshchdrski, Skaryatin, and Makarov. I am fond of the first. Went with him to the Bourse and admired the freedom of the English. Played billiards at Dusseau’s passionately, and in the evening at Tolstaya’s chattered about education. She is fine ! An educationalist must have profound knowledge of life to be able to prepare others for it. When developing benevolence, remember that the joy that feeling affords must be bought with labour and patience. Illustration : my desire to do good to the peasants ! Called at Dusseau’s, I don’t know why. Have completely fallen into laziness and materialism. Is a moral life always possible ?

Yesterday morning wrote a letter to Tatidna Alexandrovna, and the report. At two, called at the Ministry of the Interior Levshin received me drily. Whatever one takes up in Russia to-day it is all being changed ; but to accomplish the changes there are old men who are therefore unfitted for the work. Dined with Shdvich, wrote my project at Nekrdsov’s and sent it off. In the evening abominable music at Shost£k’s. Supped at Dusseau’s.