18–24 July 1853

Got up late. Nik61enka interrupted me. Had scarcely begun to write when we went to Misha’s and I stopped there all day. I went to Christiani’s concert. Poor stuff. Why does nobody love me ? I am not a fool, not deformed, not a bad man, not an ignoramus. It is incomprehensible. Or am I not suited for this circle ? Masha is so sweet that one involuntarily regrets that there is no one to understand her charm. Trash, such as this Campioni, pleases her. A pity ! To-morrow dine at Bashtan, and write, write !

Wrote nothing this morning, and spent the evening uselessly at Masha’s. But had a pleasant chat in the evening with B. about husbandry, which interests me. It is now o’clock. I will write, and will only go to Masha’s in the evening.

Have spent the day well : slept, read a stupid novel, Precaution , and an excellent novel by Pigault Lebrun Les Barons de Pelsheim , but I wrote nothing. In the evening I bathed and then went to Masha’s. To- morrow will dine at home, will get up early and write.

Got up at eleven ; dined at home and wrote a good deal, so that I have finished Boyhood , but it is still too carelessly done. Slept at Masha’s. It is now 4* o’clock, I have got up and come home. I am going to Essentdki, though it is quite unnecessary.

Valeryan is at Essentriki. Masha is decidedly coquetting. Did nothing. Have a headache and am going tf> bed.

Have rewritten the first chapter decently. Was not long at Masha’s. Work, work. How happy I feel .whan. I exert, myself..

Rose at eight, corrected the first chapter, but wrote nothing all day. Read Claude Genoux. Went to Masha, where it was very dull. Bdlka is lost. Have received a letter from Moor. Brimmer has held up my discharge. Get up early and write, not stopping to alter what seems weak, so long as it makes sense and runs smoothly. One can correct it, but cannot recover time that has been needlessly wasted.