14–20 November 1853

Rose early and set to work writing; but in spite of abundance of thoughts and careful writing, very little got done. After dinner played chess with the un- endurable Olifer. At home I read and. ... In the evening I went to supper in order to see Knoring. It is amazing how unpleasant that man is to me. Though we mislead one another, all the mean characteristics of an officer show up as outgrowths of idleness and bachelor-life. There was a time when consciousness developed in me to such a degree that it stifled reason, so that I could not think of anything except : ** What am I thinking about ? ” I have often been amazed at how people can find inner satisfaction in their own phrases, devoid of thought — just in the mere words. Perhaps at a certain stage of development the mind finds satisfaction in words, as at a higher stage it finds satisfaction in thoughts. Epfshka says that in order to speak wisely one must first stand awhile “ by the broom ”, that is, facing a corner, and thiitk.

Yesterday rose early but wrote little. Two chapters, The Maids' Room and Boyhood , which I have so long been unable to bring to their final *hape, detained me. I dined, played chess badly, and yet boasted. . . . Got up late. Wrote fairly diligently so that I finished The Maids' Room and Boyhood , but not the clean copy. In the evening Kochetovski came and complained of Sulimdvski. I borrowed Karamzin’s history and read bits of it. The language is very good. The preface aroused a host of good thoughts in me. To-day I beat Aleshka. Though he was to blame, I am dissatisfied with myself for having lost my temper Columbus, on reaching the mouth of the Orinoco, imagined that he had reached the western shore of Asia. From that arose the names East India and West India. Tobacco was discovered and brought over in 1498, and is now used throughout the world to the extent of 374 million lb. The town of T^rek was founded by Ivan the Terrible for the protection of his father-in-law, the Cherkasian prince. The Cossacks speak of their gun in the feminine, and the word “ poor ” is employed in a compassionately caressing sense. In Catherine’s time people spoke of soldiers as “ the Mother’s children There are proper names, names of things, of animals, and of people, which depict the way of life of a certain circle better than a description of it. Epishka at last explained to me the fictitious enlarge- ment of the T6rek. That river used to be narrower and deeper ; now, turning away from the mountains, changing its course, and finding a softer bed, it is becoming wider. A song he repeated to me is good. “ In the famous town in Kiev with the famous prince Vladimir lived a maid, a lovely soul. This maiden sinned most grievously before the Lord. The lass gave birth to a boy who became Alexander the Great. Because ofHhis shame, the beautiful lass left the town. She went not by paths or by road, but followed an animal’s track. Meeting the beautiful lassie came the fine hero, Il^a Muromets, and he began seriously to question the beautiful lassie. ‘ Of whose tribe and family are you, beautiful lass ? ‘ I am not a common lass. I am the beautiful daughter of a hero. . . ” It sometimes happens that one suddenly feels that an expression of surprise remains on one’s face when there is nothing more to be surprised at. (In the chapter Concert ,) Someone told Epfshkia that I had given a serf to be conscripted because he had killed my dog. A terrible libel of that kind always strengthens in me the noble thought that to do good is the only way to be happy. If once one adopted any other outlook whatever on life, such a libel would suffice to destroy one’s whole happiness. Some people seem to deceive themselves, trying to speak of their way of life in the past or in the future but not in the present. Nothing so impedes true happiness (which consists in living a good life) as the habit of expecting something from the future ; whereas for true happiness, which consists in inner self-content, the future can give nothing and everything is given by the past. The younger a man is the less he believes in goodness, though he is more credulous of evil. The specific gravity of a man’s body is heavier than water. The air which fills the body of a live man equalises this difference ; so that (with movement) the specific gravity of a live man is about equal to water. When the stomach of a drowned man bursts, the air which filled the spaces of his body, yields its place to water, and the body floats. That is all nonsense, and I still do not understand the phenomenon of the rising of the body of a drowned man.

Think I must have blundered about the dates, for I positively cannot remember what I have done these four days. On the 20th rode to Kizlyar to get a dog from Barashkin, which I accomplished after abusing him very vigorously. Though I was at Kizlyar without money, belongings, or a servant, I was not in a bad mood as usually happens to me under such circumstances. Two days ago Khastatov came to see me, in whom I was quite unable to find anything very strange, except that he is not stupid and is a society man. Chatted to him till late at night about Moscow, and could not help swanking a bit. Got him to take the money for Zuev, and two chapters. Yesterday I returned from the bath, and though I was terribly tired went to Olifer’s and chatted with him till late at night on subjects evoking thought. He seems to respect me highly, which is by no means mutual. Received a brief letter from Serezha in which he writes of having sent 50 rubles, which however I have not received. The lands of the Don Cossacks have rather more than 700,000 inhabitants on an area 2400 square miles. Most of the serfs are in the Miussk and Don6ts districts. One of my chief vices, and the one most unpleasant to.me^Js untruthfulness. It is generally occasioned by a wish to brag and show myself in a favourable light. So, not to let my vanity reach a stage which leaves no time to reflect and to stop, I set myself a rule : as soon as I feel the tickling of egotism which precedes a desire to say something about myself, I must reflect, keep silent, and remember that no invention will give one more weight in the sight of others than truth does, which has a compelling and convincing effect on everyone. Every time you feel annoyance and anger, avoid all intercourse with people, especially with those dependant on you. Avoid the company of people who are fond of drunkenness, and drink neither wine nor vodka. Avoid the society of women whom one can easily have, and try to exhaust yourself by physical labour when you feel strong desire. Must note down every day the number of times these rules have been infringed. Fashion is a method of attracting attention to oneself, and everyone (excepting the deformed and people of repulsively unpleasant features) gains by it. Among the common Russian people there is a conviction that dark people (brunettes) cannot be handsome ; and “ black ” is almost a synonym of “ ugly ”, “ like a gipsy ”. Music is the art of producing in one’s imagination various states of soul by means of a triple combination of sounds — in space, time, and strength. Most men demand from their wives qualities they themselves do not deserve. Preaching is one of the best and simplest methods for the religious education of our lower classes, if the preachers would sacrifice their vanity as authors for the sake of the benefit a progressive, simple, and clear exposition of Christian principles in a course of sermons would yield, and if they would take pains to think out such sermons. When thinking them out, pomposity (which results in rendering them perplexing) and excessive simplicity (which arouses doubt) should be avoided. Among the common people there is a belief that the presence of onlookers at death torments the dying person and makes it more painful for the soul to leave the body. A similar idea prevails about births. The tone of a man whom I am talking with always reacts deplorably on me. If he speaks pompously, so do I ; if he mumbles, so do I ; if he is stupid, so am I ; if he speaks French badly, so do I. The common people are used to being spoken to in a language not their own, especially on religious matters, which speak to them in a language they respect all the more because they do not understand it. There are thoughts (such as this for instance) which have a meaning in the aggregate, but completely lose it in particular instances. November zy-December 1. Have been out shooting several times, and killed some hares and pheasants. Have read and written hardly anything these days. The expecta- tion of a change in my life disquiets me, and the grey over- coat 1 is so repulsive to me that it is (morally) painful to put it on, which formerly used not to be the case. Yesterday Sultanov called in. Two days ago I received a letter and a *sword from Arslan-Khan. One of my rules — not to drink — I have broken every day. Though Epfshka is not a man who is out of date and he has been in touch with education, either from his solitary way of life or from other reasons it would be hard to find anyone of a more antiquated character, especially in his manner of speech. What would happen if husbands and wives could see the pictures drawn by the imagination of young boys at the sight of women ? (In the chapter Concert .) Discipline is essential for the existence of a military class, and to create discipline drill is essential. Drill is a way of bringing men to a state of mechanical obedience by means of petty threats ; so that the cruellest punish- ments do not produce obedience such as is obtained by the drill-habit. Humility is often taken for weakness and indecision ; but when experience shows people that they were mistaken, humility adds fresh charm, strength, and esteem to a character. (Schiller.) In some people the fire of inspiration changes into a candle to work by. Literary success that satisfies one’s own self is obtained only by working at every aspect of a subject. But the subject must be a lofty one if the labour is always to be pleasant. The more a man becomes used to pleasure and refine- ment the more deprivation in life he prepares for himself. Of all such habits, deprivation of the habit of intercourse with none but refined minds is the hardest to bear. Vladimir was able to convert his people to the faith he had adopted, only because he stood on the same level of education as they, though higher in social importance. The people believed in him. No ruler of an educated nation could have done the same. In one of his stories Epishka, by a few words, adequately expressed the Cossack view of the importance of women. “You wife, you slave, go and work 1 ” says a husband to his wife, “ and I’ll go on the spree.” Good also was a conversation overheard about winter : A. says, “ To-day winter comes flying from the sea B. “ Yes, on wings ! ” “ Cossack ” means landless peasant in Tartar. In the second century the Caucasian land was called Kassakhiya. In Russian we have no word for croire ; the Cossack word nachal corresponds to it exactly. Rule. Note receipts and expenditure. Write down thoughts only when satisfied with the expression of them. I can devise no rules against laziness.