20–26 November 1854

How long, oh, how long, will it be ere I cease This aimless and passionless life to endure, And deep in my heart must still suffer the wound For which I’m unable to find any cure. enemy from entrenching their camps, though it would have been very easy to do so ; and we, with smaller forces and not expecting reinforcements from anywhere, with Generals like Gorchakov who have lost their senses, their feelings, and jtheir energy, not fortifying ourselves, face the enemy and await a storm and bad weather which St. Nicholas the Wonder-Worker is to send to drive the enemy away. The Cossacks want to plunder but not to fight. The Hussars and Uhlans consider that military dignity consists in drunkenness and debauchery, while the infantry think it consists in robbery and money - making A melancholy state of affairs both for army and State. Have spent a couple of hours chatting with wounded French and English soldiers. Each of them is proud of his position and respects himself, for he feels that he is an active spring in the army. Good weapons and the skill to use them, youth, and some idea of politics and the arts, make them conscious of their own dignity. With us, stupid drill for dressing the file and saluting with the musket, useless weapons, ignorance, and bad food and maintenance, destroy the men’s interest, their last spark of pride, and give them even too high an opinion of the enemy. In Simferopol I lost all my money at cards, and am at present living with the battery in a Tartar village, and am only now feeling the discomfort of life.

Am living quite carelessly, not forcing and not restraining myself in anything : I go out shooting, listen, observe, and dispute. One thing is bad — I am beginning to put myself, or to wish to put myself, above my comrades, and they no longer like me so well. Here is some almost certain news from Sevastopol. On the 13th instant a sortie was made against the enemy’s trenches facing the Third, Fourth, and Fifth Bastions. The Ekaterinbtfrg regiment took the trench opposite the Fourth Bastion by surprise, drove out and killed the enemy troops, and returned with the loss of three men wounded. The officer commanding that detachment was presented to the Grand Duke, Nikoliy Nikolaevich. “ So you were the hero of that affair ? ” said the Grand Duke to him. “ Tell me about it.” “ When I left the Bastion and was nearing the trench, the soldiers stopped and did not want to go on.” “ Come now, what are you saying . *.” exclaimed the Grand Duke, moving away from him. ” How is it you are not ashamed ? ” remarked Filosdfov to him. “ Go away,” concluded Menshikov. I am convinced that the officer was telling the truth, and I am sorry that he did not stand up for himself better. The sortie from the Third Bastion was unsuccessful. On perceiving the sentries the officer returned to the Admiral for instructions, and so gave the enemy time to prepare. Of the sortie from the Fifth Bastion I know no details. On the whole this news is not quite certain, though it is more probable than the wild rumours of the capture of some thirty guns. Liprandi has been appointed commander of the army in Sevastopol. Thank God ! Apart from the successes he has had in this campaign he is beloved and popular, and not for his profanity but for his management and ability. For good or ill, but to my great vexationy lack of money keeps me here, or else I should by now be on the south coast at Eupatoria or should have returned to Sevastopol.