Leo Tolstoy’s diary, 1854

The day before yesterday I received my pay, 45 kopeks, and spent it all on sundries. Rose late to-day, and various visitors took up all my time before dinner : a…

Rose late and worked at the third chapter of His Past all morning. It seems good ; at any rate I wrote with ardour. I was stupid enough to ask Zhuk^vich in after…

My intention was to write The Story of a Russian Landowner and I did so, but not for long. In the evening, An Artilleryman' s Notes , which I did, though I set to…

Had decided to write The Story of a Russian Landowner in the morning, and in the evening An Artilleryman' s Notes , to go shooting if the weather was fine, and to…

In the morning wrote The Story of a Russian Landlord . Both in the morning and after dinner worked hard at the fourth chapter but only finished it by artificial…

In the morning Story of a Russian Land- lord. Copied the fifth chapter, Ivan Churis, out of the old notebook, but was lazy, making the cold an excuse. Decided to…

Intended to go shooting in the morning. Got up fairly early but wrote a letter before I started. The snow was bad, and so I did not kill anything and returned by…

In the morning The Story of a Russian Landlord . Did not get on well with my writing. Must follow the rule of omitting without adding. Dined early. Strolled about.…

Copy out the rules. Did it only in the evening, and not in a book but in a notebook. In general I have not decided about the rules. I know they are useful, but I do…

Morning of the 10th, A Landlord's Morning. Got up late and could do nothing, it was so cold ; besides which Zhuk^vich, Epfshka, and the Nog&ys hindered me. Walk and…

Returned home in the morning, but Zhuk^vich and other visitors prevented my doing anything. After dinner Ogdlin, Zhukevich, and my kunaks from Stary-Urt arrived and…

In the morning, walk and write A Land- lord's Morning. Got up very late, warmed myself, was almost suffocated by fumes from the stove, and rdy cold got worse. Then…

In the morning wrote Youth . Rose late, went to the Chancellery and to Zhukevich and Kfrka, and only wrote a letter to Sulimovski. In the evening An Artilleryman' s…

Morning and evening wrote Youth. Though I did not get up early and was not very keen I had set to work when some officers came, and I was weak enough not only to…

Youth , morning and evening. In the morning finished Swan's Songs. The officers hindered me very much. Alexeev offered me money. Stiegelmann has arrived and hinders…

All day Youth. Woke late, as I wrote last night till cock-crow. Yanushk^vich had already written, and Makalfnski came as soon as I was awsflee. Did not go with him…

Revised Youth. In the morning I had not had time to say my prayers when the officers arrived. With them I went to the chapel. Returning home from there, re-…

Corrected Youth . Wrote two chapters. Wrote in the morning, though I was interrupted by kundks and by Epfshka. After dinner again wrote. In the evening some…

(Tuesday.) Finish Youth and leave the place. Accomplished it ! Rose early, and up to the time I left wrote, or was busy. I had a church service held out of vanity.…

Got up late. Reached Nikolaev and Stary-Urt. The news that I am not to be awarded a cross hurt me very much, but strange to say an hour later I had recovered my…

Got up early and waited a long time for Balta. Thoughtlessly set off with drunken soldiers. Fortunately the treasurer came for me. At Nikolaev met Ch&kin, and…

On my journey I reached Belogo- rodtsev on the 24th. At 100 versts from Chern I lost my way and strayed about all night, and the idea occurred to me of writing a…

Woke late, talked with the village elder and with Osip, found everything in better order than I expected. Went over the grounds. Do not feel well Valerian has…

Woke early. My throat aches, despite which I rode to the mill and had a look at the site for a horse-yard. Talked chiefly about farming. Sent a letter to Ogolin. It…

Got up early, after an unpleasant restless and sleepless night. Wrote a letter to Gautier, rode to church, dined, wrote letters, and met my aunt. Am not at all…

Got up early, wrote letters to Drozddv and Gorchakov, but am still futile and lazy. Rode after dinner to Grdmont, added something to the orders^ht^A given, and…

Got up early, gave some orders, took with me 600 rubles for the Council, and went to Ttila. Saw Gieke and settled the business with him not altogether well, but on…

Woke late. Wrote letters. Attended church service. Drew a plan. Went to see Vlas, to Osip, and to Ars^neva, brought Vergani back with me. Gave my final orders.

We left at noon and arrived at 9. Did not behave very well on the journey. Masha and Auntie are very dear, and I did not notice how the day passed.

Woke up late, went to the detached wing of the house, and again did not notice how' I passed the whole day at the piano with her, with Auntie, and with the…

Rose about nine, went to the detached wing of the house. There wrote a letter to Alexeev, went to see the Baroness, and though awkward with her was not shy. After…

Finished my will and started at ten. Chatted pleasantly on the road with Vergani, and at home found all my brothers and the Perfilevs. Mitenka (Dmitri) grieved me,…

The second day did not pass so agreeably, but still well. Have taken another 246 rubles from the office. Have received 235 rubles from Serezha. Have paid rubles in…

Remember nothing except that I reached Moscow. Am physically and morally disorderly and have spent too much money. 135 rubles for a cloak, 35 for uniform…

1854. (Bucharest.) Am beginning my Diary in a new notebook after nearly a month’s interval, during which I have experienced and felt so much that \ have not had…

Just three months’ interval — three months of idleness and of a life with which I cannot be satisfied. Passed three weeks with Scheidemann and regret that I did not…

During the march from Silistria to Moi, I rode to Bucharest, gambled, and was obliged to borrow money — a humiliating position for anyone, and particularly for me.…

In the morning sat down to work but did nothing, and was glad when Gorchakov came and interrupted me. After dinner at the General’s I read the Koran. Visited the…

I put off my operation from day to day awaiting the move to Bucharest ; and here I put it off till I could find a lodging and a Doctor. At Guirgevo there has been…

To-day I underwent an operation under chloroform. Was timid. Did nothing because I could not. There is hope that I may get well.

Wrote a letter to Valerian and Ogdlin. My health is neither better nor worse. I am living alone, and read, but do not set to work although An Artilleryman's Notes…

I have read Gilbert et Gilberte. My health is in statu quo. An Artilleryman's Notes is getting more and more into shape. I think I shall set to work on it now, on…

Have read all day : the work refuses to get on. In the evening chatted with Prush, Olkhin, and Antrdpov. Stupidly lost Paulenka’s porte-feuille to Prush, and…

My chief defects are : (i) Instability (by that I mean indecision, inconsequence, lack of steadfastness, and inconsistency). (2) An unpleasant, difficult character…

Read during tea, dinner, and dessert. All morning was writing one single letter to Auntie, which went well, though its French phraseology does not please me at all.…

All day have been reading, first Lermontov, then Goethe, then Alphonse Karr, and could not set to work. However often I say to myself that I am not ambitious, and…

I lack modesty. That is my great defect. What am I ? One of four sons of a retired lieutenant- colonel, left orphan at seven years of age in the care of women and…

In the morning I read and wrote a little. In the evening did more, but all not only without ardour but with a sort of insuperable laziness. Decided not to take the…

Spent the morning and the whole day first writing An Artilleryman' s Notes , which by the way I have finished, but with which I am so dissatisfied that I can…

Do not want to write, and I have already resolved that I do not intend to force myself to anything par parti pris. So I will only note that I have read Lafontaine…

Have re-read A Hero oj our Times } have read Goethe, and only wrote a very little towards evening. Why ? Laziness, indecision, and a passion for looking at my…

In the morning Olkhin came to explain to me that he is leaving for Movo and wished to entrust his horses and things to me, which I had to refuse, telling him that I…

Since morning have felt heavy-headed and could not force myself to work. I have read the Con- temporary all day. Esther (in Bleak House') says that her childish…

My prayer : I believe in the one, all-powerful, and good God, in the immortality of the soul, and in eternal retribution for our deeds ; I wish to believe in the…

^n the morning besides my customary reading of Goethe and booklets that I happened upon, I wrote Zhdanov and have still not decided about the personality of…

The Doctor woke me early, and thanks to this I wrote a good deal in the morning — always correcting the old — the description of the soldiers. In the evening also…

From ten till two wrote industriously and finished the description of the soldiers, but after that it goes with difficulty. In the evening D. Gorchakdv came to see…

My dinner was not a success. Neither Gorchakov nor the Doctor could come. Only Bartolomey ate my sucking pig and enthused about Schiller. Before dinner I read,…

Yesterday morning read and prepared for my departure. In the evening rode off in a most careless and haphazard manner with Milyshem to Mora- Domyansk where I stayed…

Was awakened early in the morning and taken to Sim^pti. Am in general dissatisfied with to-day. Somehow, not from indolence but from being occupied with the food…

Another move, in spite of which I should be satisfied with to-day were it not for a stupid demand of Kryzhandvski’s that I should ride to Movo. Went to him in the…

This morning went and presented myself to my Chiefs for an explanation. It seemed that Kryzhandvski had said that I should join the battery. Tishk^vich had repeated…

In the morning Nover^zhski with a wry mouth brought me back my application endorsed by Kryz- handvski. All these petty unpleasantnesses have so upset me that I was…

We set off early for Kur. . . . All the way I suffered dreadfully physically (my face burnt terribly and came out in a rash), as well as morally. The so-called “…

Again a move — to Buzeo. The Bashi- Bazouks apparently had intentionally agreed to be particularly pleasant, but I had accumulated too much bile. I was wild and…

I have remained here all day and seen no one except Tishk^vich and the adjutants, who all, it seems, avoid me as a disgracii. It is absurd. Should be satisfied with…

Am writing in a most pleasant and happy state of mind, in which I have spent the whole evening. In the morning I read, over-ate myself with pears, and instead of…

My amendment goes on admirably. I feel how my intercourse with people of all kinds becomes pleasanter and easier from the time I decided to be modest and became…

Rode to R^mnik. The old man still does not bow to me. Both these things make me angry. Behaved well with the Bashi-Bazouks whom I met. Had an explanation with…

Again a march to Fokshani, during which I rode with M6ngo (Stotypin) — an empty fellow but with firm though false convictions. Probably on that account the General…

Got up late and read Schiller all morning, but without pleasure or ardour. After dinner, though I was in a mood to work, wrote very little out of laziness. Spent…

In the morning wrote a little of An Artilleryman's Notes. After dinner slept, and went to see Zemffr with success. In the morning went to see Stol^pin, and dislike…

In the morning wrote and behaved well. At dinner Olkhin brought in a hungry officer. After dinner did nothing. Borrowed some money from Nover£- zhski and bought a…

Got up late and at once began writing with pleasure. Wrote the end of the episode with the shell well, because I wrote it with pleasure. But about o’clock I…

Did nothing all day and played cards. Two important reproaches.

Rode to Berlad and executed my mission well. Kryzhanovski annoys me by his behaviour — “ Dear friend I . . .** Since my return have been both evenings to my…

Began the morning well and did some work, but the evening ! My God ! can it be that I shall never reform 1 I lost the rest of my money and lost 37 rubles more than…

Woke fairly early and worked well in the morning, but after dinner, excepting the excellent comedy Our Own People , We'll Arrange, I gadded about the whole evening.…

Wrote so little that it is not worth mention- ing. Rode on horseback after dinner, bathed, and in the evening called at Stotypin’s, whence I brought away a rather…

Got up early and rode to Odobeshto. That expedition was not altogether successful. Wrote little and very badly. Slept, went to the races, and spent the evening at…

Got up towards 7 o'clock, wrote well enough but little, dined, and again wrote a little. . . . Sat at Stotypin’s, then disputed abominably much about original sin,…

March from Fokshani to Tekucha, on which I happened to accompany the General and Stotypin. Passed the time pleasantly except at lunch when I was undecided and shy.…

March from Tekucha to Berlad. Con- ducted myself well all day excepting (1) indecision when meeting the General for the first time, (2) when encounter- ing the two…

Rose early and wrote a good deal. In the evening was at the Stol spins’ and came away with an unpleasant feeling. Am satisfied with the whole day except a little…

Have finished The Wood- Felling. Sehwach ! Dined at Stol^pin’s and was too curt with Kryzhandvski. In the evening went gadding about with thoughts that Vere not…

Two marches from Berlad to Aslui. Two days of terrible toothache and complete idleness. Reproaches for these two days (besides inactivity which I might have…

Spent the day at Aslui. To-day I received two strong, pleasant, and useful, impressions. (1) Received a flattering letter about Youth from Nekrasov, which as usual…

Condemned Przev&lski, was irritable with Aleshka, Nikita, and the commissary. March to Jassy. Most important of all for me is to cure myself of lack of character,…

(1) Was angry with Aleshka, (2) did nothing all day except writing in the morning and reading an admirable novel by George Sand, (3) did not have an explanation…

I am twenty-six. Wrote something and thought of much. Spent the day with Ogldbzhe. In the evening read Uncle Tom's Cabin } (1) Twice got angry with Nikfta, (2) did…

Am very ill. Think it is consumption. Have written nothing, but read Uncle Tom's Cabin . Most important of all is to amend my idleness, irritability, and lack of…

My health is very bad. Did not sleep all night. Read Uncle Tom's Cabin in the intervals allowed by toothache. Most important of all is to amend my idleness,…

Read Uncle Tom's Cabin, and chatted in the evening with Kassovski. Most important of all is to amend my idleness, irritability, and lack of character.

Health is better. I went wrong yesterday. To-day borrowed money from Nover^zhski. Many reproaches for lack of character and laziness. Most important of all for me…

Marched to Skuleni. At the very frontier I sinned. I beat Davydenko. Most important of all for me is to cure myself of idleness, irritability, and lack of character.

At Skuleni. Marched all day. Twice started writing, but it does not get on. In the evening played cards. Lack of money and my relations with my acquaintances and…

Both I and my Diary are becoming stupid. My writing positively does not get on. Wrote an irritable letter to Nikolenka. Most important of all for mp is to cure…

Most important of all for me in life is to cure myself of idleness, irritability, and lack of character. Love of everybody and contempt for myself.

Marched to Koloram. A pleasant day. Most important of all for me is to cure myself of idleness, irritability, and lack of character.

Marched to — the devil knows its name. Health and state of mind good. The ease and modesty to which I try to accustom myself are beginning to have a good influence…

Marched to Kishinev. ... I was rude to the Councillor’s wife. Most important of all is to cure myself of idleness, irritability, and lack of character.

. . . Am being despatched on a mission to a place versts away. Read the Contemporary. (1) Disputed with Tishk^vich, (2) did nothing. (3) Cure myself of idleness,…

Rode to Letfchev. Much that is new and interesting. My teeth ached. . . . The disembarka- tion near Sevastopol troubles me. Self-assurance and effeminacy are the…

Have behaved badly. Did nothing in the evening, ran after girls, going out contrary to my intention. The plan of forming a Society interests me much. Correct myself…

In the morning occupied myself a little with the project, and then went out with Shdbin. After dinner sprawled about and then went to Stotypin’s. Did little.…

In the morning wrote little. After dinner went quite to pieces. . . . It is bad. Cure myself of idleness, irritability, and lack of character.

In the morning I was busy about money and my transfer. Malm refused, Nover^zhski promised me some. To-morrow will go to Gorchakdv. In the evening played cards, was…

In the morning talked with Boborykin and ShiSbin in the Society’s house. I went to see Stotypin and Nover^afcski. Amend my idleness, irritability, and lack of…

Have let myself go greatly. Cure myself of idleness, irritability, and lack of character.

In Odessa they told me of a touching inci- dent. The Adjutant of the General in charge arrived at the N. Hospital where the wounded men of the 4th Corps were lying…

I saw nothing in Nikolaev. I will not note down the rumours as they all turned out to be nonsense. Since the 24th nothing has been undertaken except siege work. I…

Have received money, spent a good deal on trifles, and played cards. Have bought a horse and moved into new quarters. The magazine advances slowly. On the other…

I have lived through much these last days. Affairs at Sevastopol all hang by a hair. The specimen number will be ready to-day, and I again think of moving Stotypin,…

Odessa. Since the landing of the Anglo-French army, we have had three engagements with them. The first at Alma (September 8 *) in which the enemy attacked and…

I arrived on the 7th. All the rumours that tormented me en route turn out to be false. I am ordered to join the 3rd Light Battery, and I live in the town itself.…

Yesterday a soldier of the foreign legion deserted to us. He says that an assault has been arranged for the 25th (that is the 13th O.S.). It is now already o’clock,…

How long, oh, how long, will it be ere I cease This aimless and passionless life to endure, And deep in my heart must still suffer the wound For which I’m unable to…

Am living quite carelessly, not forcing and not restraining myself in anything : I go out shooting, listen, observe, and dispute. One thing is bad — I am beginning…

On the 5th I was in Sevastopol with a detachment of soldiers to fetch some guns. There is much that is new, and all of it satisfactory. The presence of Siken is…