16–22 June 1856

Rose at nine. Gadded about. Went to the greenhouse. Played the piano carelessly. The Ars^nevs came. Vaterya is sweet. Dined, and drove to Grumont.

Got up at eight, did gymnastics, read The Newcomes. Dined, went to see Lazarevich, and thence with the Ars^nevs to their place. She played. Very charming.

Diakov came and I persuaded him to go to the Ars£nevs with me. Vaterya chattered ♦about clothes' and the coronation. She is rather frivolous. It seems to be not a passing but a durable passion. My arrival with Diakov was awkward, seeming to promise something.

Stayed all day at home alone. . . . Diakov did not wish to go to the Arsenevs’ so I did not go either. •Besides I was fti a kind of helplessly flabby state of mind.

Was wakened by the arrival of Friede and Soymonov. I felt depressed even with Friede who is intelligent and professes noble ideas. In the evening the Arsenevs came. I did not talk much with her, and she acted all the more on me. Pelageya Ilfnishna came to supper. N. N. came yesterday and quite disgusted me. It somehow reminds me of Karyakina and those equivocal affairs.

All day alone with my Aunt in idleness, by fits and starts playing and reading The Newcomes. In the evening sould not fall asleep for a long time ; was in a thoughtful state of mind and formed, not on paper but in my head, the plan of Youth . I have taken no notes since the 1 8th June, and one day seems somehow to have got lost. Have begun to have violent palpitations of the heart.