23–29 June 1856

Am quite ill, the palpitations of the heart prevent *my walking, and my teeth ache. In the morning finished writing diary and notes. Spent the whole day at home, fishing. Read The Newcomes. . . .

Went to the Arsenevs’ with my Aunts. Valerya was very bad, and I have quite calmed down.

Was awakened with the news that a peasant has been drowned in the middle pond. Two hours have gone by and I have taken no steps. Read The Newcomes. Made notes.

Rose after eight, read The Newcomes , copied my notes, read Youth over, meant to write, but left it at that. The peasant has been taken away. Did gymnastics. Had a lenten dinner at home and drove with Natdlya Petrovna to the Arsenevs’. Met a messenger on the road. ^Tarasov was their house, Valerya was in a white dress. Very charming. Spent one of the pleasantest days of my life. Do I love her seriously ? And can she love for long ? These are two questions I should like to solve but cannot. On the way back Natalya Petrovna chattered awfully. I felt revolted. Had letters yesterday from Kolbasin, Nekrasov, Perfflev, and Turgenev. Must*Write. v

Got up at noon, read Youth over, made corrections here and there, read, dined. Meant to go to Marshoshnikov who had sent to invite me, and to the Arsdnevs’, but went to neither. Fished, read, had a bath. Teeth ached.

Got up at ten. Finished off the first chapter of Youth with great pleasure. Toothache worse. After dinner went to the Arsenevs’. Valerya is extremely badly educated, and ignorant if not stupid. The word prostituer which she uttered, Heaven knows why, grieved me greatly, and added to my toothache disillusioned me. »

Slept heavily till noon. Teeth ached all night and all day. Read The New comes recumbent and silent.