20–26 October 1856

Went with them in a sledge back to Yasnaya. It was not dull. But I am cross with myself for not having been resolute enough to explain everything to her. A dispute with Auntie : I said I wouldn’t go with Misha if Valerian goes. “Unreasonable fellow! ” “Why?” “ First you wanted to go, and then not.” “ But I am not needed.” “ You did not tell me so.” “ But I say so now.” Always the* same. She is silent with me. And I don’t want a touching scene in which I feel that I shall overdo it and it will be false, so I don’t say anything to her.

Did not sleep after five, waiting for a fall of snow, then rode out. Killed six. Rode with Bibikov. Got into water up to my waist. Dried myself in Kuvshfn- nikov’s factory. Found the Gimbuts in. Auntie sulks without? any reason, just so as not to give way. Unbearable.

Spent the morning at home reading. Auntie still sulks. I could not stand it, and rode to the Ars^nevs’, first over my own field, found nothing. Pavlov was with them so I had no opportunity to tell Khrapo- vitski’s story and therefore stayed the night. We talked a little and I promised to tell it in the morning.

Before Vaterya was up the Gfmbuts arrived and I was again prevented from telling the story. It was very amusing after dinner. At supper, after the Gimbuts had gone, we started a pleasant conversa- tion, the four of us. I told Khrapovltski’s story to Mile. Vergani in the study, and she told it to Vaterya. A pity I did not do it myself. I fell asleep almost tranquil but far from in love — at their house.

Valdrya appeared, abashed but contertted. I felt glad and ashamed. Left. At home made peace with Auntie. . . . Went to a ball. Vaterya ^vas chaining. I am almost in love with her.

Was at their house, spoke to her. Very good. I even felt tearful.

Went hunting. Killed two, saw quanti- ties. Slept. My head aches.