27 July–2 August 1857

Borrowed 200 rubles from the Frenchman* and lost them. Wrote letters. Shall not play any more. Am calmer. The Frenchman has gone. Polonski has no money. Awkward situation. Went to the castle ; delightful. Polonski makes up to me nicely but is dull.

Woke up fresh. Kusk. brought me some money. Went to the baths and then played and lost. Pig! Stricken and ashamed I gadded about. Went to a doctor. Decided to take a week’s cure, but it seems useless. Evening at Smirndva’s. Unbearably dull.

Got up late. Missed drinking my whey. Dined at Smirnova’s. Nothing remained in mind or memory. Went to the Eberstein Schloss. Listened to Poldnski — poor. Did not play as I had no money. Bad, horrid ! And this kind of life has gone on for a week.

The treatment seems to be — an idle life. Evening with young ladies, again to the Eberstein Schloss. Felt awkward. Good-for-nothing people, and worst of all I am myself good-for-nothing.

Got up early. Health bad. A grey, dewy Russian morning, with birch trees — delight- ful ! With Nekrdsov it was awkward. We drove to Ratiev’s. He made us drink. On the way Nekrisov spoke about himself. He is very good. God grant him peace. Shapullnski frightened me. I shall stay here. Druzhfnin has arrived. I made hardly any use of him. Leeches. Avdeev. . . . Am Sorry for Panaev and Nekrdsov.

In the morning the same thing. Turgdnev has arrived. It is fine to be with him. Evening at Smirndva’s : ridiculous and nasty. Went to bed late — am ill.

Same kind of warm day. Borrowed money from Turgdnev and lost it. It is long since anything tormented me so. Had letters from Serezha. Masha and Valeri&n have separated. This news chokes me. Vanichka is nice. I feel ashamed with him.

Health bad. Read Lucerne to them, it pro- duced an effect. Went to Petersburg with Korzhandvski, chatted on the steamer. He says that the worst thing is a German fool ; that is true and the people will understand it. In the evening feverish. ... I am calm.

Woke early ; my treatment. Remained with* the young people. Scolded Durasov. Vanichka has left. He made me feel too much ashamed. Evening With itublftski.

At home. Read. Saltykov : a serious talent. My health is bad.