3–9 August 1857

In the morning my treatment and prepara- tions for leaving. Smirnov is kind. Vdrinka . Left at eleven. Heat. Reached Frankfurt. The Court. De- manded a lodging in the Darmstadt palace. Priceless Sasha. A wonder ! A delight ! I never knew a better woman ! Rebinder is dull.

The same. A. P. called.

Left at five. Heat and dust. The future smiles at me. Only must not force things, not boast, nor talk about oneself. Again the “ chimney ” at Eisenach. The Prefect. They are driving me away. Dinner at the Galakhovs. Wartburg. Wonderful Massor. Am going /o Dresden to-night.

Nekrasov came ; stayed with them. My weakness vexes me.

Returned here. Nekrasov called. . . .

Arrived at nine, unwell. An agreeable town. Went to the baths, walked back. Pushchin. Away from Switzerland he has lost much of his charm. Wenf to the picture-gallery. The Madonna at once moved me deeply. Slept till four o’clock. Theatre ; a comedy by Gutzkow. German concentration. Drank beer.

Health still worse. Visited the book and music shops : they make one’s mouth water. Chose some music and books, back to the gallery ; remained cold to all except the Madonna. Dined at the Pushchins’, the M4slovs were there ; went out on the balcony with them, diffus — Mordvfnova and Maslova are pretty but have something unpleasant about them : the old woman is fine and intelligent. To the Lvovs at Marienbad ; she tries to be too clever a la Russe , but is very nice. Supped with them ; all sorts of commonplace Russians. I enjoyed it, but owing to timidity and reflections did not sit much with Lvdva whom I saw home.

Decided to leave. Finished the affair well or ill with V. Left at nine. Russia is horrid, I positively dislike it. My health is better.

Still travelling. Sokblnikova. It’s begin- ning to smell of Tula.* Von Vizin, having heard of my authorship, fawns on me. He is no good. Read much. Arranged affairs in Moscow and am starting to-morrow.

Overslept and missed the train — to some extent intentionally — to go to the Lvovs’, which I am sorry I failed to do ; so went round the shops, packed, and dined. Started for Berlin. A bearded man with children. A lame old man. A proud German. In Berlin. A fine hotel. Street debauchery. Went to a concert. Was late. A crowd at a fire.

Early to the Railway Station. In Stettin confusion — running about. Had not enough money. A thaler. Thought of remaining, met Pushchin. Russians : Levitski, Kozldv, the Mordvlnovs. Still dull ! Only Mordvlnov is pleasant. In the evening a rough sea.

Got up at 4. The horses did not come till five. Started. Met Vasili half-way. Reached Yasnaya at eleven. u I greet thee my . . .” delightful Yasnaya! Pleasant and sad, but Russia disgusts me and I feel how this coarse, lying life begins to encircle me on every side. At t|ietstation Z6rin was being beaten, and I wanted to intercede for him but Vasili explained to me that one must first bribe the doctor. He told me many things of that kind ; they beat and flog. This is how on the journey I defined my purpose in life : first of all literary work, then family duties, then estate management— -but I must leave the farming in the hands of the Elder, trying as far as possible to make it more lenient, introduce improvements, and to take only rubles for my own requirements, using the rest for the peasants. My chief stumbling-block is my liberal vanity. And as an obligation for myself one good action a day is sufficient.

Slept splendidly. Am ill. All are liberals Did nothing for education. All day nothing. A French- woman ; the fat Boulanger ; misbehaviour.

Got up at nine, health bad. The Elder holds me in great contempt and it is hard for me to do anything with him. S4sha stole some butter. I called him up. “ I don’t myself know what happens to me when I've had a drink,” he says, and adds that his feet are rotting, and the Elder says, “ It serves you right ! ” I admonished him and even gave him something. It is stupid, but what else could I do ? Went to Pirogovo. The poverty of the people and the sufferings of the animals are awful. My cough gets worse, so that I am not cheerful. Arrived at my relative’s. Masha is better. Nikdlenka is delightful. Serezha is pitiable and lovable but harmful to our circle. Chatted with Nikdlenka till four in the morning.