15–21 August 1853

Still feel ill in the evenings. Am doing nothing. Rode to the aoul to-day. Indecision, idleness.

Health rather better. Nothing special, always the same. To-morrow get up early, drink the waters, and then write Boyhood till dinner. After dinner, before the Boulevard, write the Caucasian Stories , and in the evening the novel.

Did nothing. Decided to throw up Youth but to continue the novel and write the Caucasian Stories. The cause of my idleness is that I cannot write with any enthusiasm. Am expecting some sort of happi- ness this month, and in general on commencing my twenty-sixth year. I wish to force myself to be such I consider a man ought to be. Youth is over, now is the time for work. The money remaining, apart from about rubles owing to me, amounts to 21*50 (I gave Zakhar a ruble). Till dinner the story, after dinner the novel. I am sorry to give up Youths but what's to be done ? It is better not to finish a thing than to go on doing it badly.