24–30 October 1853

Rose earlier than yesterday and sat down to write the last chapter. Many thoughts had collected, but a kind of invincible aversion hindered me from finishing it. As in everything in life, so in writing, the past conditions the future. It is difficult to resume a neglected work with ardour, and consequently to do it well. I considered alterations in Boyhood but made none. Must jot down remarks off-hand and simply begin to rewrite it. Till dinner I read A Criticism of the Account of the War between Russia and France in 1799* and after dinner I went, without any inclination, to shoot at a range with Groman. The beautiful weather tempted me and I went to shoot, and killed a hare and chased a jackal till late at night. After supper I played cards till o’clock. How easily bad habits are formed ! I am already in the habit of playing cards after supper. When reading a work, especially one that is purely literary, one is chiefly interested by the character of the author, which shows itself in the work ; but there are works in which the author affects a point of view, or changes it several times. The pleasantest books are those in which the author seems, as it were, to try to hide his opinion yet remains true to it wherever it is shown. The most insipid books are those in which the author’s point of view changes «so often that it gets quite lost. Milutin’s book seems very well arranged. In spite of much flattery and the biased opinions I have heard from people who timidly prostrate themselves before everything Imperial, I think Paul I.’s real character, especially his political character, was noble and chivalrous. One is readier to take denunciation for falsehood than flattery for truth. During Suvdrov’s retreat from the Mutten valley in Htstory of the War of 1799 by D. A. Milutin, who was subsequently Minister of War, and was made a count by Alexander II. 1 799, his rearguard action at Mutten was remarkable : Rosenberg and Miloradovich against Massena. Thugut, the Emperor Francis’ Minister, was the cause of Austria’s treacherous and mean conduct towards Russia. The descent of 20,000 English and 80,000 Russians, who landed in Holland, was commanded by the Duke of York, and the Russian army by General Herman ; the French and Batavian armies by Brune. Embargo is a naval term which means the recognition of ships as enemy vessels. Paul I. died in 1801. Kazi- Mullah made his appearance in 1832, at the time of the Polish insurrection. His successor was Hamzat-Bek.a

In the morning looked over Boyhood and decided to write it out afresh, and about the alterations, transpositions, and additions, that must be made in it. About 10 o’clock went shooting, and walked till nightfall. Read the last — very poor — number of the Contemporary . Supped and am now going to bed. The whole day has been one of moral rest for me — the need of which one frequently feels. The Alagir works (on the Georgian Military road, 40 versts from the station of Ardon) were opened on May 18, 1853. It can supply 35,000 puds of lead, which used to be obtained from England. I began to regret that I sent off Reminiscences of a Billiard-Marker too hurriedly. In the contents I should hardly have found much to do or alter, but its form was not quite carefully finished.

Got up late and aching with fatigue in all my limbs. Worked decently in the morning, copying out Boyhood and getting it into order, but was soon called to dinner, and after dinner, having read a little and sat with Alexeev who came to see me, I did very little. When I might have worked till supper, in order to please Groman who offered to copy for me, I dictated and read to him. My illness keeps getting worse and seems to be what I had at first. . . . Absence of body, of passions, feelings, recollections, and time (that is, of eternity), is it not the absence of all life ? What delight is there in a future life if it is impossible to imagine it to oneself ? The description of a struggle .between good and evil in a man who is committing, or has just committed, an evil action, always seems to me unnatural. Evil is done easily and unconsciously, and only much later does the man become horrified and amazed at what he has done. The common people are so far above us by the work they accomplish and the privations in their lives, that it seems wrong for one of us to write anything bad about them. There is evil in them, but it is better to say of them (as of the dead) only what is good. Therein lies Turgenev’s merit and the defect of Grigorovich in his Fishers . Who can be interested in the faults of this miserable but worthy class ? There is more of good than of evil in them, and it is also more natural and more generous to look for the causes of the former than of the latter. I used to think that by adopting a rule to be steady and accurate in my occupations, I could follow it. Then the ^frequent repetition of such rules, which were never punctually observed, began to convince me that they are useless ; but now I am becoming convinced that such attempts, continually weakening and again renewed, constitute the normal condition of one who periodically observes his own development. One must accustom oneself always, and in all cases, to write exactly and clearly ; or else one unconsciously hides from oneself obscurities or inaccuracies of thought, by unnatural turns, erasures, and flourishes. To-day at dinner there was talk about Pushkin, and I am quite unable to understand such harshness. How can one for amusement sacrifice fundamental human feelings ? Cyprus, which lies on the route from Smyrna to Jerusalem, was the birthplace of St. George. In the campaign of 1805, which terminated with the Treaty of Vienna, the chief battles were Ulm, Wagram, and Austerlitz. Economy differ^ from avarice by the fact that the former having set limits however wide or narrow to one’s require- ments, does not limit them further ; whereas avarice, without defining one’s requirements always sacrifices them, for the sake of acquisition. Absalom, a son of David by a Philistine woman, took up arms against his father and got hung by his own hair. To-day I had a repulsive dream about Serezha : it was something about a duel and some sweetmeats.

Woke very late and did nothing all day because I got stuck in A New View , for which nothing occurs to me. . . . After dinner had a flickering in my eyes so that I could not read, and fell asleep with a headache. Epishka told me how Grekov and Lisen^vich sum- moned to Gerzel aoul Uchar- Hadji and the elders from Stary Aksay, who were suspected of trading with the enemy. Having explained to them that Uchar-Hadji’s action was contrary to the law and that he must be arrested, they tried to reassure the other Tartars. But at the gates, where they had all been disarmed, Uchar-Hadji had managed to hide a dagger in his sleeve, and as soon as he heard how his case stood, flung himself on Grekov and stabbed first him and then Lisen6vich, and tried to strike down Mullah Khasaev also, but Begichev managed to knock him over with a blow of his sword. All the Tartars who were there were killed, and among them Epishka’s friend, the Poraborchev huntsman, the Cossack Danila. Remember that the harder and more depressing are circumstances, the more are firmness, activity, and decision needed, and the more harmful is apathy. Weak spirits act in the contrary way.

After dinner rode out with Zuev and Groman to Khasav-Urt. . . . Spent the night at Sh&kov where Ziiev by his reflections (not mean, but not noble) and by his chatter finally convinced me of his emptiness and of the immense gap which divides us morally.