30 January–5 February 1854

Woke late, talked with the village elder and with Osip, found everything in better order than I expected. Went over the grounds. Do not feel well Valerian has arrived. (1) Told a lie. (2) Was undecided.

Woke early. My throat aches, despite which I rode to the mill and had a look at the site for a horse-yard. Talked chiefly about farming. Sent a letter to Ogolin. It is said that I am promoted. The estate is in very good order. Many people have died : Ars&iev — and Cherkasski and Neratov have committed suicide. (1) Indecision and weakness with the German and the elder about the mill. (2) Inaccuracy. Have lost my note of it, but it seems that I have spent about 60 rubles on the journey.

Got up early, after an unpleasant restless and sleepless night. Wrote a letter to Gautier, rode to church, dined, wrote letters, and met my aunt. Am not at all well. (1) Thoughtlessly let the woman innkeeper off" a pay- ment. (2) Was undecided with Mavrfkia who distracted me at the chapel. (3) Was rather lazy in the morning. (4) Was untruthful to my aunt about the debt to Erem^ev. Was too ardent and not quite natural when I met her. The chief defect and peculiarity of my character is that I remained morally young too long, and only now, at the age of twenty-five, begin to acquire an independent, masculine view of things such as others acquire much sooner, at the age of twenty.

Got up early, wrote letters to Drozddv and Gorchakov, but am still futile and lazy. Rode after dinner to Grdmont, added something to the orders^ht^A given, and to-morrow shall ride to Tfila. Was lazyw£ day. Gave 3 rubles to a poor woman — which leaves me 26 rubles and 30 k. in hand, and my debts are 240 rubles.