16–22 January 1854

All day Youth. Woke late, as I wrote last night till cock-crow. Yanushk^vich had already written, and Makalfnski came as soon as I was awsflee. Did not go with him to Kizlyar, but told a soldier to get what I need. Ogdlin came, so that I had not time to say my prayers before going out with him. On returning home at ten o’clock I corrected one chapter. At dinner I felt sad and did not ask about the cross, as to which I am much disturbed. After dinner I wrote the chapter Friendship pretty well and corrected what Yanushkevich had written, so that Youth ought soon to be finished. Went to the baths, supped, and went to bed. I feel dull and have not yet decided about going to Grozny or not. Received letters from Nikolenka and from Tatiana Alexandrovna. A work usually seems quite different and better when it is finished. Remember that when preparing for success in anything, it is necessary to begin at the lowest stages — in the Law Courts with the scribe. I was struck to-day at the poetic beauty of the winter scenery. In the sky a cloud rises through which the sun only shows white, on the road the droppings are begihning to thaw and there is a raw dampness in the air. (1) Thoughtlessness in the morning when sending to Kizly&r and buying a sheepskin coat. (2) Indecision about the cross and about going to Grozny. Events : Kndring’s death and my transfer. Occupa- tions : Revised Youth. Chief infringements : idleness, indecision, disorderliness, depression. In general I am dissatisfied with myself this week.

Revised Youth. In the morning I had not had time to say my prayers when the officers arrived. With them I went to the chapel. Returning home from there, re- membered that I had forgotten the rule about Saturdays, and read over my Diary and copied out one or two things. I was called to dinner, afterwards drank coffee, went to the battery to say good-bye, and had tea at Ogdlin’s. Balta arrived and hindered my writing two chapters which I had decided to alter. Avoid unnecessary frankness. Avoid the familiarities and favours of people of whom you are not sure. In moments of indecision act promptly, and try to take the first step even if it is superfluous. The day before yesterday Ogdlin attacked family bonds, and cited the case of his brother. “ Why ”, said he, “ does he wish to mortgage my estate ? I am accustomed to live well.” I, too, should be glad to get accustomed to it. Epfshka with two others has killed a wild boar, and it is amusing to hear them now, drunk, barking like dogs and telling about the hunt. (1) I abused Aleshka yesterday about the accounts. (2) Didn’t say my prayers when Ogolin was here. (3) Approached the soldiers irresolutely. (4) Was idle. Out of vanity gave. . . .

Corrected Youth . Wrote two chapters. Wrote in the morning, though I was interrupted by kundks and by Epfshka. After dinner again wrote. In the evening some officers came. Alexeev let me have money.

(Tuesday.) Finish Youth and leave the place. Accomplished it ! Rose early, and up to the time I left wrote, or was busy. I had a church service held out of vanity. Alexeev took leave of me very kindly. He and Zhuk^vich shed tears. I went as far as Shchedrin. Read through Youth and decided not to look at it till I get home, but on the road to write An Artilleryman' s Notes . Yesterday I was very much astonished to find that the rules I had composed with such care are all contained in an ABC book and much better than I had arranged them ; so that it seems to me that not the rules themselves, but my having written them down, was puerile. Franklin’s Journal is quite another thing. Note down the chief faults and try to avoid them, and note down thoughts. So in my plan of occupations there is only this change — the notebook of rules is replaced by a Franklin-like journal. To-day I thought of the fact that I have become fond of people — my fellow-officers — whom I formerly did not respect, and I remembered how strange Nikolenka’s fondness for them seemed to me. I explain the change in my view by the fact that in the Caucasian service, and in many other narrow circles, one learns not to pick people out but to see what is good even in the bad ones. A Cossack woman told me that it is said that “ Turkey has gone to pieces **. I have decided to make the following corrections in Youth : (1) Shorten the chapter A Journey on a Char-a-banc. (2) Simplify the expressions and to strike out the repetitions in The Storm. (3) Make Masha more proper. (4) Unite The Bad Mark with The Fraction. (5) The Spring — add what I found in the portfolio. (6) Alter The Mother's Day-dreams. (7) Find a title for When it has been well ground there will be flour. (8) Alter the beginning of Dubkov and Nikdlenka, and add a description of ourselves and our attitude during the conversation. (1) Was undecided during church service. (2) Was conceited — gave the women a ruble. (3) Am now disorderly.

Got up late. Reached Nikolaev and Stary-Urt. The news that I am not to be awarded a cross hurt me very much, but strange to say an hour later I had recovered my spirits. Sulimovski has obtained an escort for me, and I shall start to-morrow and stop nowhere. I got Sulimdvski to be frank, and he told me much that was sincere about his indifference towards his father. Sulimdvski has made me realise how necessary con- nections are.

Got up early and waited a long time for Balta. Thoughtlessly set off with drunken soldiers. Fortunately the treasurer came for me. At Nikolaev met Ch&kin, and together we wrote a note to Alexeev. Reached Galuchay. Here is a fact one should often think of. Thackeray was thirty years preparing to write his first novel, but Dumas writes two a week. • You should not show your writings to anyone before they are finished. You would hear more harmful reflections than useful advice. There is a particular type of young soldier with legs that bend backwards. (1) Told fortunes. (2) Gave money for vodka to the soldiers from vanity. (3) Thought lazily. (4) Was undecided on the journey and in the evening.

On my journey I reached Belogo- rodtsev on the 24th. At 100 versts from Chern I lost my way and strayed about all night, and the idea occurred to me of writing a story, The Snow-Storm. Did not conduct myself very well. For nearly two days and nights there has been a wet snow-storm. Am too communicative — am fond of people, and as a result waste time, relax my rules, and sometimes diminish their respect for me. Nothing on the road cheered me and reminded me of Russia so much as a baggage-horse which, laying back its ears, despite the jolting of the sledge tried to overtake my sledge at a gallop. (1) Was weak with people I met on the road, that is, neglected my business out of politeness. (2) Was lazy — didn’t travel when I might have done so (3) Was frightened during the snow-storm. (4) . . . . To be successful in life one needs (1) boldness, (2) de- liberate decision, and (3) calmness. These are the chief qualities the neglect of which I will note down, besides infringements of the virtues.