21–27 August 1854

Two marches from Berlad to Aslui. Two days of terrible toothache and complete idleness. Reproaches for these two days (besides inactivity which I might have mastered) consist of irritability: condemna- tion of S. Serzhputovski and Schwartz, and irritability with Aleshka. The tolerance, modesty, and tranquillity, of Friede interest me more and more. These qualities give me a very bad opinion of the man himself yet make me in- clined to imitate them, so pleasant are they in life and so surely do they lead to success. Most important of all for me in life is to cure myself of the three vices — irritability, lack of character, and idleness.

Spent the day at Aslui. To-day I received two strong, pleasant, and useful, impressions. (1) Received a flattering letter about Youth from Nekrasov, which as usual raised my spirits and encouraged me to continue my activities, and (2) I read Z. T. How strange it is that I have only now become convinced that the higher one tries to appear to people, the lower one stands in their estimation. La biquille de Sixte-Quint doit itre le bdton de voyage de tout homrne supirieur ,l All truths are paradoxes. The direct deductions of reason are erroneous, the irrational deductions of experience are infallible. To-day I con- demned Stotypin, was proud about Nekrasov’s letter, and was idle. Most important of all for me is to cure myself of lack of character, irritability, and idleness.

Condemned Przev&lski, was irritable with Aleshka, Nikita, and the commissary. March to Jassy. Most important of all for me is to cure myself of lack of character, irritability, and idleness.

(1) Was angry with Aleshka, (2) did nothing all day except writing in the morning and reading an admirable novel by George Sand, (3) did not have an explanation with Gorchakov, (4) blamed a cadet, (5) struck Nikita. My health is bad. My state of mind is of the blackest. Am exceedingly weak and at the slightest fatigue am conscious of a feverish attack. A bad and depressing day. Most important of all for me is to cure myself of idleness, irritability, and lack of character.