23–29 July 1855

Wished to begin to live with decision, deciding on all my actions in advance and carrying out the decisions ; but afterwards I was idle, though it is triy; I was inter- rupted. Laziness — one.

Yesterday began writing Youth but was lazy : wrote only half a sheet, and played patience all day to-day. Rules : (1) every day write one fresh sheet at least, and revise as much. Not go to bed till that is done, (2) tackle as promptly as possible every necessary affair for which I feel a disinclination. Do not know by what train of thoughts, or simply in consequence of what memories, while talking to Khonzfni to-day I returned to my former view of life, the aim of which is welfare and the ideal — virtue. This return was exceedingly pleasant to me, and I was horrified at how remote I have been from that view, and how material and bad my recent thoughts and rules have been. They will however be of use to me. A certain measure of the success obtainable by those rules is necessary for a good life. Yes, military society has cast its shadow on me and stained me. To-morrow I will copy out all the rules. End of the month. To-day I received two letters from the village and one from Alexeev. A fact for Youth : A storm, and how they close the window in the house. Idleness, great idleness.

Wrote a little in the morning and after dinner. Must write some letters. In the evening played chess and cards, lost 4 r. 80 kop., so that 28 r. or 53 remain. Idle- ness. In alteration of the rule fixing 75 r. a month for losses, fix 100 r. a month for expenses and losses.

D. Gorchakdv arrived and hindered me all day, but I was also lazy, I only wrote half a sheet. I lost I r. 50. The balance remaining is 26J r., or 51J. From the 1st I shall manage the expenditure myself. Idleness and evil-speaking twice.

Played cards all day by myself. Deduced the following rules. (Sixteen lines of rules for playing “ Bank ” omitted.)

It is so stupid to spend two days as I have done. It is horrible — playing stos by oneself. Read my article in thf magazine Frauenpost. Rules for play. (Seven lines omitted.) To-day I played, and lost 75 rubles.