Leo Tolstoy’s diary, 1855

Have lived for more than a month at £sklord near Simferdpol. It seemed dull but now I recall it with regret. And there is reason to regret the 14th Brigade, when…

Have played stos for two days and two nights. The result is evident — the loss of the house at Yisnaya Polyina. It seems useless to write : am so disgusted with…

It was not enough for me to lose all that I had, I have also lost on credit to Meshch^rski 150 rubles which I have not got. On this trip I showed Saken my project…

Have been in Sevastopol. Showed my project to Kashmski : he seems dissatisfied. I did not manage to see Krasnokutski who called to see me but did not find me in.…

Again played cards, and lost another 200 rubles. Cannot undertake to stop playing ; I want to recover my losses, though I risk involving myself terribly. I want to…

Have again lost 75 rubles. For the time being God has spared me from unpleasantnesses, but what will happen later ? My only hope is in Him. In Eupatoria there has…

Khruldv1 moved 120 light guns 100 and 300 sazhens % beyond the town and opened fire. The enemy replied feebly. A battalion of Greeks and of the Azov regiment…

Have lost a further 80 rubles. Began writing character -sketches ; that idea seems a very good one both in theory and in practice. I want to try my luck at cards…

Lost another 20 rubles yesterday and will play no more.

Some not quite reliable fellows told us much news to-day. The Redoubt, an attack on which has been repulsed by the Selengfnsk and Minsk regiments, was constructed…

Annenkov has been appointed chief of the Commissariat of both armies. Gorchakdv replaces Menshikov. Thank God ! The Emperor died on February 18, and to-day we are…

Have twice these last days worked at my project for the reorganisation of the army for several hours at a time. It progresses with difficulty, but I do not abandon…

Have lost a further 200 rubles to Odakhdvski, so that I am involved to the last extremity. Gorchakdv has arrived with the whole Staff ; I have been to see him and…

In the morning I wrote about a sheet of Youth. Afterwards played bdbki and chatted with Bron^vski. We have planned to arrange a boarding- house. He quite shares…

Wrote Youth and a letter to Tatiana Alexdndrovna. The plan of the boarding-house is maturing. I have failed in so many things that to accom- plish this I wifi work…

Yesterday wrote Youth, but to-day have done nothing at all, partly because in the evening Luzhfnin detained me and I went to bed late, and partly because I was on…

Wrote about a page of Youth satisfactorily, but might have written more and better. Went to bed late.

Have re-read the pages of my Diary in which I examine myself and seek paths or methods of improvement. From the very beginning I adopted the most logical and…

For two days I have written literally nothing except the rough draft of a letter to Valerian and two letters to Nekrdsov : one a reply to a letter I received from…

Have done nothing. Received an enchant- ing letter from Masha in which she describes how she has made Turgenev’s acquaintance. A dear charming letter, raising me in…

First day of Easter. Was in Sevastopol the day before yesterday. That trip was particularly, pleasantly, successful. In all my comrades from the south I noticed…

In the morning wrote some pages of Youth , but in the evening did nothing except some words of Sevastopol , partly because there were many visitors, partly because…

Wrote some eight pages of Youth and not badly, but did not write the letters. To-morrow am going to Sevastopol as Quartermaster of our battery. I shall learn by…

April There has been bombardment and nothing else for the last six days, and this is my fourth day in Sevastopol. As to my transfer, it has not come off, because…

Yesterday the battery arrived. I am living in Sevastopol. Our losses already amount to five thousand, but we are holding out not merely well, but so that our…

Morning. All these days I have been so fully occupied with what has been happening, and partly with my duties, that excepting one ill-arranged page of Youth I have…

Fourth Bastion. Have written very, very little of Youth or Sevastopol during these days. My cold and feverish condition were the cause of this. Besides that I am…

Fourth Bastion. Wrote Sevastopol by Day and Night and, I think, not badly, and hope to finish it to- morrow. What a fine spirit there is among the sailors 1 How…

The same Fourth Bastion, in which I get on excellently. Yesterday I finished a chapter of Youth and not at all badly. In general work on Youth will now fascinate me…

Seven days in which I have done absolutely nothing except rewrite two pages of Sevastopol and the draft of an address ! The day before yesterday we were driven out…

Fourth Bastion. Have received 300 rubles from home. Paid Meshch^rski and Bogaevski, but not the others because I want to play a little. Have received a letter from…

Yesterday I came on duty at the Bastion. Have done nothing at all the whole time, but have passed it pleasantly. Nothing has resulted from Pelagdya, Ilinishna's…

On the 5 th I was appointed Commander of a mountain battery and came into camp at Belb&c, versts from Sevastopol. There is a lot to do. I wish to attend to the…

o’clock in the evening. In the morning finished readifig Faust. At noon started writing my Diary, but Gorchakdv interrupted me, and I went to see Kopyev in order to…

On the 26th the Selengfnsk, Vol^nsk, and Kamchatka Redoubts were captured. I was in Sevastopol the next day and convinced myself that it will not fall. My command…

Rose at about six o’clock and found a number of Fatherland Notes} read them, bargained for a blind horse which I do not want, and at dinner drank vodka. (1)…

Got up late. . . . Did nothing except reading Henry Esmond. Went to the Doctor, who tried to reassure me but did not do so. . I boasted to the officers, lost my…

Terrible idleness. . . . Did nothing all day. Lack of character as to going or not to Hagmann, and disorderliness. . . Total three, but the chief and most terrible…

The same indefinite and stupid idleness and lack of character, and weakness of character in not turning out Rogazfnski. I read Esmond , and in the evening had a…

Idleness, idleness, idleness ! I crossed the river and rode in the evening to Shdya. Was boastful with the battery Commanders and twice showed lack of character :…

Rose late, bathed three times. Rode to Starkdy, where I bought a horse. Read Esmond , and chatted with Stol^pin and Gorchakov at my lodging and at theirs. Idleness,…

Read Esmond which I have finished. Went to see the adjutants who are intolerably stupid, and bathed three times, absolutely nothing else. Idleness , idleness ,…

Idleness, idleness. My health is worse. All day I was reading Vanity Fair. Vanity. Stotypin has left with a report, and that alarmed me.

In the evening I called in the Doctor — he comforted me. Moreover my health is really better, especially to-day. Chatted about political economy with D. Stotypin.…

In the morning worked easily and with great pleasure, but started late and did not keep it up in the evening. Besides that, lack of character — I was twice at . . .…

For two days I have been taking drill. Yesterday was at Bakhchisaray and received a letter and my article from Pandev. * I am flattered that it has been read to the…

Worked all day, and though my health is worse I am satisfied with my day and have nothing to reproach myself with. Hurrah ! Have finished A Cadet's Notes ,4 * * not…

Got up late. My health is unsatisfactory. I worked again at A Cadet's Tale. After dinner was idle and undecided. . . .

In the morning finished A Cadet's Tale, wrote a letter and sent it off. After dinner idled and read Pendennis . Did not go to drill In the evening wrote a brief…

In the morning I was occupied with Kryz- handvski’s paper about the receipts and the stores. Did nothing but read. After dinner wrote a little of May jo, but very…

Got up late, read, attended to business, and wrote a little of May 10. After dinner was terribly, unpardonably, idle. Read Pendennis all the time. My health is…

Got up late, read, wrote a letter to Masha. After dinner was idle, but on the other hand after tea wrote much and with pleasure. My health is better Got angry about…

Just fancy ! I have nothing to reproach myself with for the whole day. Wrote much of May 10, and a letter to Tati&na Alexandrovna. After dinner idled a little, but…

Wrote all day. Finished the rough draft, and in the evening made a fair copy of one sheet. Boasted terribly before Stotypin — one Did not stick to my decision, did…

In writing adopt the rule of drawing up a programme, making a rough draft and a fair copy — Subsequently called Sevastopol tn May. Sevastopol in May. without…

Was rather lazy in the morning. Was censorious with Stolypin at whose place I was in the evening. My health is better. Rules : Order everything from large towns.…

Finished the Spring Night , but no longer think it as good as I did at first. Cannot reproach myself with anything

Was at Bakhchisar&y. Read a Spring Night to Kov£l£vski, with which he was very well satisfied. My self-love was also flattered, and I was irritated against…

How I used the day. Early in the morning left Bakhchisaray and reached my lodgings, had something to eat, gave orders, wrote a little of the Diary, and rode into…

Returned to my lodging. Was in the very worst frame of mind. Wrote letters to Valerian and to Pelageya Illnishna. Read and gave orders. Must reproach myself…

Behaved very badly. Did nothing, though I tried tcf draw up a plan of Youth , but could not collect my thoughts. . . . Wrote a letter to Nikolenka, which how- ever…

Health very bad. Wrote a letter to Serezha. F^rzen and Kaldshin came to see me. Reproaches : (1) irritability, (2) vanity. Thoughts. For me there are three sorts of…

In the morning revised Sevastopol in May. The same for part of the time after dinner, and also wrote a letter to Panaev. Will send it to-morrow to Kaldshin. In the…

I am becoming very lazy. Have only now reached the period of real temptation by vanity. Could gain much in life if I wished to write without conviction. Facts :…

Hope that to-day is the last of the idleness in which I have spent the whole week. All day to-day have been reading a stupid novel by Balzac, and have only now…

Health very bad. Feverish. . . . Have done positively nothing to reproach myself with. By forcing myself I might do some work : had some thoughts for An Officer's…

Health very bad and cannot work. Have done absolutely nothing. Rules. I must accumulate money, (1) to pay my debts, (2) to free my estate and make it possible to…

Gorchakdv and V. hindered me from working and came in in the evening to play cards. I played contrary to my rule of fixing in advance how much I would risk, and…

Do not myself know why I have done nothing though my health is considerably better. Was occupied all the time with calculations for playing stos , from which no…

In the morning wrote a letter to Louise Volkdnski, with which however I am dissatisfied. Read some strange thing of Balzac’s. In the evening Gorchakdv and Burnashev…

Have written nothing all day, read Balzac and been solely occupied with the new chest, and have realised that there will be no Treasury money left over. Am even…

Have been engrossed in reading Le Lys dans la vallie* and have written nothing. In the evening played £cart6 with fezarski, having decided not to risk more than ten…

Read all day. Moved into the village on account of the rain. Played cards with Stotypin and Gorchakov in the evening. Laziness, laziness, laziness : total, three.…

Rules : Fix for a year the monthly amount of losses, from which regular winnings (that is winning to as much as the sum fixed for losses) are not to be subtracted…

Again did nothing all day. Played cards, lost 13 rubles, and so have 69 rubles and 10 kopeks to lose. Thoughts : Want to write An Officer's Diary. Savftski was…

Health is worse. Have done nothing. Three rules : (1) To be what I am : (a) by capacity — man of letters, (6) by birth — an aristocrat ; (2) never to speak badly of…

. . . Have done nothing. Laziness, laziness, laziness !

Received a letter from Pandev to-day. They are satisfied with A Cadet's Tale , and are printing it in the eighth number. Played eraldsh at Hagmann’s. My illness…

Did nothing ; but had visitors, Stotypin, etc. Passed the time very pleasantly. (1) Blamed people and (2) was lazy.

The Stol^pins and others hindered me all day. In the evening I gave a terrible example of lack of character and indecision. . . . Laziness, lack of character, and…

Wished to begin to live with decision, deciding on all my actions in advance and carrying out the decisions ; but afterwards I was idle, though it is triy; I was…

Yesterday began writing Youth but was lazy : wrote only half a sheet, and played patience all day to-day. Rules : (1) every day write one fresh sheet at least, and…

Wrote a little in the morning and after dinner. Must write some letters. In the evening played chess and cards, lost 4 r. 80 kop., so that 28 r. or 53 remain. Idle-…

D. Gorchakdv arrived and hindered me all day, but I was also lazy, I only wrote half a sheet. I lost I r. 50. The balance remaining is 26J r., or 51J. From the 1st…

Played cards all day by myself. Deduced the following rules. (Sixteen lines of rules for playing “ Bank ” omitted.)

It is so stupid to spend two days as I have done. It is horrible — playing stos by oneself. Read my article in thf magazine Frauenpost. Rules for play. (Seven lines…

Rode on horseback, dined at Stotypin’s, but did absolutely nothing. My health is bad. Fever and headache. Prepared for departure. Idleness.

Health seems bad, feverishness and terrible weakness. Because of this I have done nothing. I gave many orders in the detachment, and wrote to Fil. Lost 75 rubles…

Lost 75 rubles in big stakes. The sum for the month is 80 rubles, so that the stakes may be equal. (One line omitted.) Did nothing all day, wrote a report and made…

In the evenings played with R6sen, did not observe my rules, but nevertheless won 580 rubles, of which he owes me 550. The essential thing is to play for cash. On…

Have been to Inkermann and Sevastopol. Won ioo rubles from Odakhdvski and am quits with every- one in the Crimea. Have sold Mashtdk. Was in good spirits. Decided…

Was at Bakhchisaray, but did not succeed in getting to Simferopol with a large company that invited me. The Stol^pins bore me. Wrote letters to Paniev, Serezha, and…

Did nothing. Sensuality torments me. Met Sergey Tolstdy and visited the new Commander, Timashev. Laziness.

Went to Bakhchisaray, bought a horse, fornicated, and generally behaved badly, not to mention my laziness, which I have still not mastered. My health is not good. .…

Rose early, wrote the last part of the first chapter of Youths but very little. Went on playing patience. At ten o’clock decided that my chief aim and work on…

Again told my fortune. Wrote little of the letter though I was in the mood for it. A plan of attacking through the Bayddr Plain Gates occurred to me. Will consult…

Was at Bakhchisaray. There spent my time pleasantly enough. Won 40 rubles. Did nothing Lack of character. Mikhdlski played pranks.

Rose early. Rode to Timashev's, dined at Bormann’s, and received 400 rubles from R6sen. K6val is a scoundrel. Morally I have sunk deep Have for- gotten God, as the…

Kovatevski came to see me in the morning. Our quarters are horrible A cold. Wrote very little. Did neither good nor evil Laziness.

Have just looked at the sky A splendid night. Lord have mercy upon me ! I am bad. Grant me to be good and happy Lord have mercy upon me ! The stars in the sky ! In…

Have written nothing in my Diary for a week. Have lost 1500 rubles net. Sevastopol has surrendered ! I was there just on my birthday. To-day have been drawing up a…

Yesterday I received the news that Night 3 * * * * has been distorted and printed. It seems that I am under the strict observation of the Blues on account of my…

Have moved to Kremenchug and put up at a secret spy’s. It is very interesting. As to women, there seems to be no hope. Wrote a little more of Sevastopol in August.…

There are plenty of pretty girls and sensuality troubles me. The French have turned the detachment at Fatsiali, which has retired. Have not done any good or any…

Shall perish if I do not reform; with my character, education, circumstances, and abilities, there is no middle course between a brilliant and a wretched future.…

Wrote a letter to Aunt Pelageya IHnishna, gave advice and promised help to the Greeks, which I will give ; for the second aim, I drafted Sevastopol in August. For…

For the first, have not written the letter to Nikblenka nor bought the hay. For the second, have written neither Sevastopol nor Youth , because in conse- quence of…

In position at Fatsiali. This is my second day here. Both days there were alarms from o’clock to 6. The position is such that we shall quickly have to retire.…

For the first aim, rose early, and ate and drank nothing harmful. For the second, bought hay but attended badly to the men. For the third, got nothing This is a…

For the first aim, I positively could not write two sheets, but might have written a little, and was not continent, that however by conviction, and I do actually…

These three last days I have been in a continual bustle of marching. Yesterday I even fired two rounds of grape shot. I did not wash, did not undress, and behaved…

For the first aim, nothing. For the second, nothing except a report. For the third, nothing. For the fourth, nothing. For the fifth, I gadded about. Am much…

Have long been in a lazily apathetic, hopelessly dissatisfied, position. Have won another 130 rubles at cards. Bought a horse and bridle for 150. What nonsense ! My…

Won another 600 rubles in cash, and have 500 rubles owing to me. Yesterday and to-day wrote a little, but it was easy. I take a morning douch. Will go to see…

Yesterday lost 500 rubles. I pledge my word never to borrow or lend money when playing, and neither to win nor lose on credit. (Three lines, containing rules for…

I am in Petersburg, at Turgenev’s. Lost before leaving, 2800 and 600 rubles. Managed with difficulty to transfer it to my debtors. Took 875 rubles in the village.…