30 June–6 July 1856

Got up at ten. Finished The Newcomes. Wrote a page of Youth , played the Fifth Symphony. The Arsenevs arrived. Valerya is a splendid girl but she certainly does not please me. However if we «neet so often I may suddenly marry her. That would not be a misfortune, but it is unnecessary and I do not desire it, and I have convinced myself that everything that is unnecessary and undesired is harmful. Received a letter from Valerian and Masha. The debt to the majors is not paid : this has upset me. But afterwards my spirits rose to a most happy, light-hearted state, in which I wrote to Masha.

Woke up towards twelve, played a great deal, wrote about two pages of Youth, remembered about Shdlin and then about Fedfirkin, and fell into a sorrowful mood. It is always possible not to give way if you know the cause and set to work on something. Aunt Tatidna Alex- androvna is a wonderful woman. Hers*is* love that* endures all things ! I remembered this in connection with my attitude towards her while I had that toothache. Spent the whole day with Vaterya. She had a white dress on and bare arms, and hers are not shapely. This upset me. I began to pinch her morally and so cruelly that ‘she did not complete her smiles. There were tears in her smile. Then she played. I felt at ease but she was already upset. I am conscious of all this.

Wrote to Nekrasov about the Contemporary and anger, and to Rosen and Korsakdv. Dined and went to the Arsdnevs. Vaterya was writing in a dark room, and again wore a horrid showy morning-gown. She was cold and self-reliant, showed me a letter to her sister in which she says I am an egoist, and so on. Then Mile. Vergani came and recriminations began, first bantering and then serious, which hurt and depressed me. I had hurt Val6yi seriously yesterday but she spoke out frankly, and after the brief sadness I felt, it all passed over. She repeated several times, “Let things be as they were". Very sweet.

Played, worked a little at Youth , and started after dinner at two. Rather tactlessly told Aunt Paulina, to whom I had given some money, that I had none. The drive was pleasant, I thought some things out, arrived at midnight, chatted a little and went to bed.

Thoroughly rainy day, the drive to Mts&isk has been postponed. Sent to Turgenev. Spent the day with the children and had some music.

Woke early, bathed. A girl came there, but I was in a good frame of mind and sent her away. Played with the children, dined, had music. Turgenev arrived. He is decidedly an incongruous, cold, and difficult person, and I pity him. I shall never get on with him. Walked about in a vague state of sensual desire till two o’clock.

Woke up at noon and got ready to go to Mts&isk to see Ser£zha from whom I had received a note. I found him At Volkov’s with some officers. We walked to Turgenev’s and had a fine chat alone together. He wants to retire and go in for shooting. Reasonable. Then went back to Vdlkov’s. He did not play. In the night went to V6yny.