9–15 May 1853

. . . It’s bad ! Have let myself deterio- rate very much. Have abandoned the story and am writing Boyhood with the same eagerness with which I wrote Childhood . I hope it will be equally good. My debts are now all paid. A brilliant literary career is open to me. I ought to obtain a commission. Am young and clever. What more, one would think, should I wish for ? I must work and exercise self-restraint, and may yet be happy.