16–22 May 1853

Nothing special at all. Wrote little, but on the other hand, have finally planned out Boyhood and Youth , which I hope to finish. To-day Alexeev sent me a paper in which Brimmer promises to discharge me with, a civil commission. When I reflect on my service I involuntarily lose control of myself. Have not yet decided on anything, though in accord with my present view of life, which is a continuation of the one I formed at Pyatigorsk, I ought not to hesitate. Will think it over carefully. Am still unable to accustom myself to punctu- ality and order, though I make efforts. I blundered : yesterday was the 28th, and to-day is the 29th. Wrote and thought over my work, which is begin- ning to get clearly and well arranged in my imagination. After reading the 56th article of the Regulations I have decided to leave the army, and have asked Alexeev to arrange this. . . .