27 June–3 July 1853

Got up late, but wrote Boyhood in the morn- ing well enough. Did not ask Alexeev for money. After dinner till well on in the evening I read and considered Notes of an Officer in the Caucasus. Behaved injudiciously with the boys. . . . To-morrow, get up early and write Boyhood as quietly as possible and carefully. At dinner ask for money. ... In the evening write Notes of an Officer in the Caucasus or if few ideas come, continue Boyhood .

Wrote well in the morning. The boys hindered me before dinner. Asked for money. Did not find . Epishka was away. After dinner did nothing. In the morning I had thoughtlessly told Barashkin that I would go to shoot, and in the evening, from false shame, could not refuse, and so lost valuable time and a good mood I was in after supper at Alexeev’s. Wrote a little of Notes of an Officer in the Caucasus and the Wood-felling. When so many indistinct thoughts occur to me while writing that I want to get up — do not allow myself to do so. To-morrow will write Boyhood till dinner time ; after dinner write my Diary till the evening.

Behaved well in the morning, but after dinner did nothing. The plan I had thought out so well for the Notes of an Officer in the Caucasus seems unsatis- factory, and I spent all the time after dinner with the boys and Epfshka. I threw Grfsha and Vaska into the water. That was bad. Whether it goes well or ill , I must always write. When one writes one gets accustomed to work, and forms one’s style even if one achieves no direct result. If one does not write one gets carried away and does stupid things. One writes better on an empty stomach. . . . To-morrow write from morning till evening. . . .

Got up early, wrote little. Again doubts and laziness. My head ached. Slept and played at Bar. Felt abashed before F. and F. Drank with B. and F. M., and was rather tipsy. . . . Write as usual ; set myself to write Boyhood till dinner and the Officer in the Caucasus after dinner.

Was beginning to write — I. V. interrupted and persuaded me to go haymaking. Was active all day, and worked. That would be very good if I hadn’t drunk much, hadn’t told lies in the evening, and had written during the rest of the day. To-day write Boyhood till dinner time and after dinner.

Got up late. Wrote well in the morning. After dinner could do nothing. Wanted to take part in a raid ; visited Averianov. Slept, and in a dream read a wonderful book. Woke up in very good spirits and made use of this in conversation with I. V. and Grdman. . . I wrote a letter to Nikolenka. . . . Write Boyhood morning and evening.

Got up late. Wrote well, but was interrupted by Barashkin. After dinner continued writing. Went shooting and killed six pheasants. Received letters from Nikdlenka and from my steward. Am being recalled to Pyatigdrsk. I think I will go. . . . To-morrow write, write, and write Boyhood , which begins to shape well.