13–19 March 1854

1854. (Bucharest.) Am beginning my Diary in a new notebook after nearly a month’s interval, during which I have experienced and felt so much that \ have not had time to think, still less to make notes. From the Caucasus I drove to Tula, saw my aunts, my sister, and Valerian, and heard of my promotion. My three brothers and the Perfilevs came to see me and carried me off to Moscow. From Moscow I went to Pokrovsk : there I bade fare- well to my aunt, Pelageya IHnishna, to Valeryan, Masha, and Serezha. These farewells, especially the two last, were among the happiest moments of my life. From there I went*to Mftenka who, chiefly on my advice, has left Moscow ; and travelling through Poltava and Kishinev, etc. I reached Bucharest two days ago. I have been happy all this time. My official position here is still indefinite, and for a week past I have been ominously ill. Is it possible that a testing period is recommencing for me ? However I am myself to blame. Fortune has spoilt me : I have deteriorated, and have much to reproach myself with since leaving Kursk and to the present moment. It is sad to find that I am unable to bear good fortune, just as I am unable to endure misfortune. Will go to-day to the Commander of the Division at the Headquarters of the corps. Will make some purchases, will walk about and return home to write letters and dine. After dinner I will do some work, and towards evening I will go to the baths. In the evening I will stay at home and work at Youth.