31 July–6 August 1854

Again a march to Fokshani, during which I rode with M6ngo (Stotypin) — an empty fellow but with firm though false convictions. Probably on that account the General was pleased to inquire about my health. He is a pig ! Scratched my nose and wrote nothing — those are two reproaches for to-day. The last one becomes too frequent though the campaign may partly serve as excuse for it. My relations with my comrades are becoming so pleasant that I am sorry to leave the Staff. My health seems better.

Got up late and read Schiller all morning, but without pleasure or ardour. After dinner, though I was in a mood to work, wrote very little out of laziness. Spent the whole evening gadding about. . . . There was much of interest to-day : reading the orders of the day, the rendezvous in the garden, and Shubin’s deception. Will write all about it to-morrow, for it is already half-past two. Reproach myself with idleness for the last time. If I do nothing to-morrow, I will shoot myself ! I also reproach myself for unpardonable indecision. . . .

In the morning wrote a little of An Artilleryman's Notes. After dinner slept, and went to see Zemffr with success. In the morning went to see Stol^pin, and dislike Mongo very much. Reproach myself with idleness. A ugust 3. Got up late, am depressed and not quite well. Only after 12 o’clock, when 6lkhin who had arrived had gone, could I set to work, and I wrote all ^ay, but care- lessly, inattentively, and undecidedly, though pretty well. In the evening went to Gorchakdv’s where I behaved simply and modestly, and to Malm and Nover^zhski, whom I offended by being stupid enough to say that I would thrash them if I catch them at ... . So I blame myself to-day for : (1) grumbling in the morning, (2) rude- ness to Noverezhski and Malm, and (3) being undecided in my writing. Received a letter from Valerian.

In the morning wrote and behaved well. At dinner Olkhin brought in a hungry officer. After dinner did nothing. Borrowed some money from Nover£- zhski and bought a horse from Clkhin. Reproach myself somewhat for idleness, for speaking ill of people, and for foolish judgements.

Got up late and at once began writing with pleasure. Wrote the end of the episode with the shell well, because I wrote it with pleasure. But about o’clock I discovered, alas, that I am not yet cured, and as usual that discovery affected me so that I could not work at anything. After dinner rode to the Gorchakov’s and sat for a couple of hours at chess with Zolotarev. In the evening need- lessly and nastily went to the Dannenberg garden. Another rule which has formulated itself in me during these last days : Do not condemn, and do not express your opinion about people. I reproach myself for laziness in the evening and for Dannenberg.

Did nothing all day and played cards. Two important reproaches.