7–13 August 1854

Rode to Berlad and executed my mission well. Kryzhanovski annoys me by his behaviour — “ Dear friend I . . .** Since my return have been both evenings to my neighbours and played cards. Con- gratulate myself on the journey, and reproach myself for the other, as well as for the fact that I have written nothing all this time.

Began the morning well and did some work, but the evening ! My God ! can it be that I shall never reform 1 I lost the rest of my money and lost 37 rubles more than I could pay. To-morrow will sell my horse. What I am to do I do not know, but I feel qu'il me faut un coup de tete pour sortir de cette position. In the evening I again went to Dannenberg’s. Activity and self-control !

Woke fairly early and worked well in the morning, but after dinner, excepting the excellent comedy Our Own People , We'll Arrange, I gadded about the whole evening. Among other things disputed with D. Gorchakdv about trifles. Nover^zhski let me have some money and I sent it to Skrfpchenko by Andronov. Reproach myself for lack of self - restraint towards Gorchakdv caused by (a second reproach) vanity in Filipdsko’s presence.