2–8 July 1855

Health very bad. Wrote a letter to Serezha. F^rzen and Kaldshin came to see me. Reproaches : (1) irritability, (2) vanity. Thoughts. For me there are three sorts of people : (1) those who do not touch my spirit — quiet but empty people, (2) those who touch it but discordantly and unpleasantly, (3) those who touch it and in the right way — friends. t

In the morning revised Sevastopol in May. The same for part of the time after dinner, and also wrote a letter to Panaev. Will send it to-morrow to Kaldshin. In the evening Sasha Gorchakov sat with me. My health is bad. Reproaches — I think there are none, nor any facts, rules, or thoughts.

I am becoming very lazy. Have only now reached the period of real temptation by vanity. Could gain much in life if I wished to write without conviction. Facts : soldiers are extremely fond of singing on horseback. Idleness, idleness, idleness. Three.

Hope that to-day is the last of the idleness in which I have spent the whole week. All day to-day have been reading a stupid novel by Balzac, and have only now taken up a pen. Thoughts. Wrote the Diary oj an Officer in Sevastopol — various aspects, phases, and moments of military life. Publish it in some newspaper ! Think of deciding on that plan, though my chief occupa- tion must be Youth and Early Manhood , but the -former is for money, practice in style, and variety. Reproaches : (1) idleness, (2) irritability.

Health very bad. Feverish. . . . Have done positively nothing to reproach myself with. By forcing myself I might do some work : had some thoughts for An Officer's Dtary. Rules for play.

Health very bad and cannot work. Have done absolutely nothing. Rules. I must accumulate money, (1) to pay my debts, (2) to free my estate and make it possible to liberate my serfs. Will copy out rules for play — but as a method of limiting losses when one plays, and not of winning. As to the surplus remaining from my command of the battery, I will certainly take it and not speak #of it to anyone. If I am asked I will say that I took it, as I know it to be honest. Idleness, idleness, idleness ; but from to-morrow morning I shall set to work, and will now consider what at. Have been idle eight days already, and three days completely so.